Defining Projection and why it matters

When I’m the most infuriated and frustrated, it usually has less to do with what Rob is actually doing, and a lot more about the story I’m telling myself in my head.

 

Though in the moment, while it’s infinitely easier and more compelling to blame him… being able to see what I’m projecting will ultimately bring the shift I really want.

 

What’s projection, and why does it matter?

 

It’s where we are seeing the world though our unique and personal perspective, and then we project that onto the world as the whole and only truth, it’s so much a part of us, we are not even conscious we’re doing it. Then if others that are acting in opposition to that truth, we feel like they are actively opposing us, and we can feel hurt, angry, threatened and reactive.

 

Being able to become conscious of our projections is how we can start to untangle ourselves from their hold. J

 

Join me to find out more about projections, and my unhealthy relationship with scrubbing toilets. 😉

Releasing Reactivity Practice: How to return to grounded connection in times of stress

As we navigate the most stressful global events of our lifetime, how can we meet these challenging times with the calm presence to respond to circumstances, emotions and events as opposed to flying off the handle and panicking.

 

Reactivity erodes relationship trust and stability. While no one is immune to reactivity, we can learn to improve our way of responding to stressful situations.

 

Here is an exercise to practice with your partner (or kids or parents, whomever you’re in quarantine with) to practice speaking about a topic with some charge to it and coming back to calm objectivity.

 

If you have any questions or comments, please share them with me, and I will answer your questions (or any relationship questions) every Tuesday at 9:00am on FB LIVE.

Meeting Challenging Times with Grace and Courage

How do we meet with chaos with courage?

 

In light of the COVID-19 being declared a pandemic, putting out my regular content this week, felt completely hollow.

 

Most of us have been living in delusion of independence and control. I’m afraid the startling reality of our vulnerability and interdependence is upon us.

 

How we choose to meet with uncertainty of an unprecedented scale will drastically affect all of us.

 

I wanted to speak to what it is here, what is inevitable, and where we are at choice in how we show up and who we want to be in the face of these challenging times ahead.

Relationship Dynamics – Explained

Are you looping in the same argument over and over?

 

Do you ever find yourself frustrated and misunderstood in your relationship? The more you push the harder your partner is pushing back? You could be locked in a relationship dynamic.

 

This weeks’ vlog is about better understanding how we can get sucked into these repetitive patterns and how our efforts end up getting us the exact opposite of what we really want. Find out how to spot and disentangle yourself from dynamics that are undermining your relationship right now. 

Definition Series: Relationship – explained

“Relationship” explained…

 

Culturally we tend to view relationship as something we acquire, like a furnace with a great warranty… something that’s supposed to hum along without much attention… this expectation leaves us ill prepared for the very normal fluctuations and evolution of our relationships. Find out a better foundation to start from in this week’s vlog.

 

Relationship is the first in a new series defining relationship terms. I wanted a resource for to explain the deeper meaning of relationship terminology that has become distorted with overuse, or how some more complex terms can apply to our relationships every day.

 

Are you addicted to busyness?

It’s taken a long time for me to untangle my compulsion for busyness, perfection, never saying no, over-giving, over-committing to the point of exhaustion and martyrdom.

 

Our culture values hyper achievement, productivity and consumerism, fueled by our fear of missing out. It is almost impossible to NOT get swept up in the ever-increasing velocity of our day-to-day lives.

 

While we may believe our busyness is only having an impact on us, it takes its toll not just on our own peace and sense of well being, but on our ability to be present and connected with anyone in our lives.

 

This vlog is about understanding why we are so drawn to busyness, its origin, pay-off and the steps to becoming disentangled from its siren song. 🙂

 

7 tips for better sex in your long-term relationship

When we have been together with the same partner for many years, we seem to flip flop from feeling deficient, like we should be having amazing sex and we aren’t, and resignation, like having inspiring, exciting sex is just a thing of the past.

 

A lot stems from a belief that sex should be “natural”, and it’s either good, or it isn’t. Instead of sex being, like anything else, more of a practice. Something that you get out of what you put into it.

 

I remember listening to Dr Christiane Northrup talk about women in menopause having the best sex of their lives, she joked that it was usually with a new partner… only to explain that you need to become a new partner.

 

We can get lulled into comfort in our long-term relationships. When we are willing to open up to re-inventing ourselves and seeing our partner in a new way, it can fling open the doors to new levels of intimacy and ecstasy.

 

Enjoy these seven tips to breathe new life into your long-term relationship.

 

Flowing with the inevitable evolution of our relationships

School’s out and our recently licensed 17 year-old son jumped in his car and drove 6 hours to spend an undetermined amount of time to hang out with friends and cousins. Powered by youth, freedom and independence he pulled out of the driveway leaving me in a wake of shock, awe, and a whole lot of “how did I get here?”

 

Of course the parent-child relationship has these inevitable thresholds that we all traverse as they move from complete dependence to self-reliance, and our relationship evolves from care-giver to gracefully releasing them with our unwavering love for who they are continually becoming (well… that’s what it looks like on a good day anyway 😉

 

It struck me that we don’t have this same type of consistent pressure in our long term relationships. Sure, there are big life transitions that we must navigate, but for the most part, we seem to seek a comfortable place, and kinda want to stay there… a bit complacent… we are not so keen to rock the boat or reinvent ourselves, question our identity and our partner’s identity. We trade in the inevitable evolution, adventure and excitement in favour of safety, stability and predictability.

 

This week’s vlog is about how we can start to let go of who we have become and open up to a more expansive and fulfilling life and relationship. J

Are you holding your partner hostage?

Have you ever felt yourself withholding love, connection, affection or sex from your partner until they change, act or behave differently?

 

If they’ve done something hurtful, have you really forgiven them, or do you find yourself still holding on just a little to lord over them in order to get your way?

 

Do you find yourself just being a bit critical or dissatisfied toward your partner and you don’t really know why?

 

If you recognize yourself in any or all of these… you may be holding your partner hostage. Your sense of well-being is shackled to who they are being and what they are doing.

 

Watch this week’s vlog to recognize if you’ve been holding your partner hostage (or they’ve been holding you) and see how to release yourselves to feel more freedom, connection and intimacy.

 

How to get more respect from your partner

Do you sometimes feel like your partner doesn’t listen to you? Like they are not respecting you?

 

This week the dog triggered that same lack of feeling respected…

 

Watch and find out how to navigate the feelings that arise when we feel so right, and cannot understand how anyone could possibly see it differently. Learn how to unhinge your sense of well-being on being understood by your partner and land feeling more respected and more empowered in your relationship.

 

With love,

 

Kate

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