Receiving the Love You Want

Are you getting the love you want is a common question… we never seem to talk much about receiving the love you want.

 

Why?

Well because we grow up believing that receiving is a given, it’s easy – a no brainer… yet when we really look at it… most people are horrible receivers.

 

Genuine receiving is not even on our radar… because to genuinely receive requires surrender of control and vulnerability.

 

Ground rules for receiving when I grew up were to graciously say thank you for what ever you are given – even if you don’t like it, and you didn’t even want it. Absolutely don’t want or ask for anything because that’s pushy, bossy and greedy and it’s way better to give anyway.

 

So how do we navigate around that?

 

Whether it’s actually articulated or not, we learn to stay safely in transaction. I do this thing for you, and you do this thing for me and vice versa; easy, with no feelings of indebtedness, guilt, discomfort, resentment or bitterness.

 

Trouble is it keeps us bouncing between entitled or unworthy. Neither state allows us to be in connection or fulfillment.

 

Recently a dear friend gave me a beautiful quilt that she made for me. The thoughtfulness of exactly what I would love, the gesture, the care, the hundreds of hours of painstaking work that went in to it… it was overwhelming.

 

It gave me the opportunity to dive deeply into what gets in the way of welcoming in the love and abundance of life, and how truly receiving organically fills you to overflowing.

Are you operating on Assumption or Fact?

This guy (my son 😉 has spent thousands of hours on his bike careening down rocky faces in every type of weather. So a trail or section that would absolutely terrify me… isn’t even scary for him.

 

Makes sense…

 

Yet when we see stuff that’s way out of our comfort zone, we often jump to the conclusion that they might be just a bit crazy or reckless. We don’t always recognize that’s our perspective – which is totally true for us from where we are standing… though it’s likely not their perspective.

 

Why’s this important?

We are drawing these conclusions ALL THE TIME in our relationships. And then take our assumptions as facts, getting so attached and identified with them, so that when people have a different perspective, we feel threatened and defensive. This defensiveness has us disconnect and grow further apart, with less understanding of each other.

 

This week’s vlog is about recognizing that there is no threat from opening fully to other people’s perspectives. We expand our understanding and deepen our connection. <3

 

Feeling snappy with your partner?

7 steps to take you from agitation back to connection

 

Inevitably our long term partner gets on our nerves and we end up feeling snappy, we might have a simmering resentment that we can trace it back to, but sometimes we don’t even know where it’s coming from… we just feel curt and short-tempered like we are walking on the narrows of disconnection between annoyance and full blown argument.

 

I know this rabbit hole all too well, so here are some steps to shift gears and switch up the path and explore a new landscape.

Freeing yourself when chaos arises

Every relationship that we have is a reflection of the relationship we have with ourselves.

 

Questioning our habitual patterns of behaviour impact not just on us, but on every person around us.

 

This week’s vlog is about the vortex of chaos and overwhelm that we can create around us when we are stressed or trying to avoid the discomfort of examining these very beliefs and patterns.

 

This past week, I found myself in a tangle of emotion with the new baby chicks on the farm. I was completely swept up in a hurricane of urgency, busyness and overwhelm; the force of it wreaking havoc and damaging relationships in its path.

 

Watch to find out the ways we get caught and steps to take to disengage when you find you’re being carried off.

Can you know your partner too well?

Is it possible that we could know our long term partner TOO well?

Not really… but it’s our instinct to believe we do. When we “know” what our partner is going to say or do, life seems stable, predictable and safe. By contrast, when we are uncertain what we can expect from our partner, we feel out-of-control, insecure, even powerless. 

 

So why does this matter? 

 

Because we end up trading off the potential new level of connection and intimacy, for the security of replaying old patterns like knowing that our partner might say something insensitive, leave crumbs on the counter and forget to take the garbage out.

 

Kinda like Groundhog Day, sentenced to a lifetime of habitual bickering and complaint.

 

Until you don’t, that is.

 

When we let go of our knowing and open up to the infinite complexity of ourselves and our partner, it’s like someone flicking the lights on. We can experience a whole new understanding, fascination, love and way of relating previously unavailable to us. 

 

In this week’s vlog, find out how we get caught, and how to free yourself from the burden of all that knowing. 🙂

 

Chasing Cats & How to Value Yourself in Relationship

Have you ever found yourself feeling stuck, frustrated, feeling like the harder you try and get what you want, the more elusive it becomes?

What if we have an unconscious predisposition to chase what is unavailable to us?

We overlook and disqualify the relationships and circumstances that come so easily to us, and instead laser focus and value what we can’t seem to get. Like chasing a proverbial cat that wants nothing to do with us, yet we hinge our well-being and sense of fulfillment on getting that love.

 

Bat around the ideas in this week’s vlog about how to pounce when this sneaky habitual pattern shows up.   😉

 

xo Kate 

 

 

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